


Hot House

by econator



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Carlos Rhymes, Divination, Greenhouse, Hogwarts, M/M, Middle Age, Old Friends, microbrewing, parent orientation tour, psychedelics (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-01-29 09:03:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21407650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/econator/pseuds/econator
Summary: Harry takes a break from parent orientation tours to visit his old friend Neville, who now teaches herbology at Hogwarts. He's quite taken aback by how all-round smokin' hot Neville got since they left school.Also included: rhyming meme jokes about Neville's new boyfriend that only F1 fans will catch.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom/Carlos Sainz Jr, Neville Longbottom/Harry Potter, Pomona Sprout/Sybill Trelawney
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Tumblr's Accio Shitpost's comment about how Neville's herbology skills should be considered way more badass. I'm a botanist by trade - inspired in no small part by Professor Sprout - and couldn't agree more with them. So, this is hot, badass, microbrewing botanist Neville blowing all-action-Harry's mind.

Harry stood just outside the greenhouse door, watching Neville work. He had planned to go in, to speak to Neville, reminisce about school, catch up on the intervening two decades. But that was before he realised how overwhelmingly attractive Neville was now. He would probably sense how lonely Harry felt since he and Ginny moved into separate rooms, then separate houses, and finally separate countries. In ironic contrast to Harry's disaster of a personal life, the years had been kind to Neville, his tanned, muscular form a far cry from the pasty, podgy kid he'd met in first year. Harry admired how his muscles flexed as he shifted a particularly large pot onto his dolly, the plant protesting loudly at being moved. Maybe Neville's newfound hotness was just down to how horny and alone Harry felt these days.

'Yes, I know that spot wasn't so bad, but you'll like where I'm taking you,' Neville said to his plant. 'It's warmer. You'll have your own grow lamp.' Neville stroked the upper leaves as he skillfully manoeuvred the dolly down the row.

The shrub groaned as he wheeled them to their new home. Harry ducked behind the doorpost to avoid being noticed as Neville rounded the corner to face the greenhouse entrance. Him caring for his plants seemed too intimate of a moment to interrupt for reminiscing about school. If Harry were honest, it felt too intimate because, for years, nobody had cared as much about his wellbeing as Neville cared about his fucking shrub, and Harry didn't quite know how to process feeling jealous of a potted plant.

'No, I'm not repotting you until the spring. You always complain about root cramps in September, and you haven't even filled your current pot.'

The shrub rustled their leaves, turning away from Neville. Harry moved into the greenhouse doorway to get a better view of Neville working. Neville, who had always been the dorky loner, seemed to have a tender, almost parental relationship with his plants. Harry wondered if Neville was that tender with everything he cared for, or if he was still a socially awkward nerd.

'Okay fine. I'll give you some extra compost in the bottom of your pot to protect you from the heaters.'

He parked the plant next to the potting table, and laid them gently on their side.

'Pot's coming off, and there we go.'

He rubbed the shrub's basal stem reassuringly as he pulled the roots free of the pot. The soil stuck fast around the roots. The plant rustled their leaves, as if in disgust. Neville frowned at the roots.

'Yes. Yes, I see what you mean.'

He tried to wash the sticky soil away with his hose pipe, but it wouldn't budge. He pulled his wand out his back pocket.

'Revelio.' Neville frowned. 'Those fucking children. I swear, one of these days I'm going to strangle whichever of those ginger ninjas it is who keeps trying out their potions on my plants.' He turned back to the plant. 'I'm sorry, babe. I think you get a year off teaching duty for that prank. Or, at least a break from the classes with Weasleys in them.'

The shrub rustled their leaves. Neville stood up, prompting Harry to duck behind a small fruit tree. He crouched down between two of the pots, trying to find a comfortable view of Neville, who was now staring down at the shrub as though listening intently.

'Oh, Hermione's kid? Why am I not surprised she turned out to be a total anti-establishment chaotic-evil rebel in response to her mother's excessive lawful good? Goddamn sticking potion,' he muttered as he scribbled on a note

Neville folded the note and threw it into the boiler's fireplace, where it burst into green sparks and shot up the chimney. He heaved a bag of rocks off a nearby shelf, his back muscles rippling in a way that made Harry feel very aware of how single he was. The shrub rustled their leaves. Neville patted the shrub's trunk affectionately.

'Yes, of course, I just sent a note to Severus, asking for the antidote potion.' He opened the bag of rocks, and poured a thin layer into the bottom of the pot. He straightened when the fireplace turned green, and caught the vial of potion that came flying out. 'See?' he said, holding the vial out towards his shrub. 'Unsticking potion.'

He poured it into his watering can, which he then filled with water, and sprinkled on the soil around the shrub's roots. As the soil fell away, Harry's calf muscle cramped up from too long crouching between Neville's plants. He shifted to try stretch it out and massage it without revealing himself, and hit his head on a nearby branch in the process. The trees above his head started rustling madly. Neville stepped out into the walkway, looking in Harry's direction.

'Who's there?'

'Sorry,' Harry said, trying to stand, but instead overbalancing awkwardly in a way that left him sprawled on the floor next to the tree. 'I was just...uh...trying to remember what fruit this is.'

Neville raised an eyebrow.

'It's an orange tree. In fruit.'

'Oh. Right. Never seen one up close before.' Harry pointed to it as he succeeded in getting to his feet. 'You...uh...charmed your muggle trees to rustle for visitors. That's cool.'

'Yeah, technically we aren't allowed to grow non-magical plants in the hot house, so Minerva and I made my sustainable food plants magical to get them through Dumbledore's old wards we couldn't clean off the place. Gotta keep our teaching material current, and what good is a Magical adult who needs to rely on Muggle farmers for food?' Neville crossed his arms over his chest, flexing his biceps. He gave Harry a slow grin that made him wonder if they were flirting. 'Am I expecting one of your kids in my class this coming year?'

'Yeah. Lily is now old enough for Hogwarts.'

'Wow, time flies. I hadn't realised she was old enough for high school already. Feels like it was yesterday that I was teaching first year material to James!'

'Yeah. Feels like getting old, I suppose.' Harry crossed his arms and fidgeted with the hole in the armpit of his jumper. 'And you? Wife? Kids?'

Harry heard how high his voice squeaked as he said “wife.” From Neville's quirked eyebrow, he'd heard it too. Harry chastised himself for even bringing it up, since Neville obviously wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

'I have plants,' Neville said. 'Furbabies. A committed but very open arrangement with a sexy younger man.'

'Well, he's a lucky guy.' Harry couldn't stop his eyes from flicking over Neville's ripped chest and abs. His fingertip slipped into the hole in his jumper, prompting a mental image he probably shouldn't have about his old battle brother. 'I mean, sustainability's important these days. Growing your own food and all that. Makes you quite the catch. Well-rounded modern man and everything.'

Neville grinned as he picked up the bag of compost and covered the gravel at the base of the nearby pot. He straightened and brushed his hair off his forehead.

'If you want to come help, I can show you how to grow your own food and all that. Since you're suddenly so into sustainability.'

Neville bumped the back of Harry's hand with his own as he laboured the last word of the sentence. Harry was now sure they were flirting. He would be thrilled, if he didn't feel so nervously inept at the whole dating business, having been out the game for over two decades.

'I...yeah...sure.' He walked down the row to Neville's workstation. 'I mean, if your sexy young boyfriend won't mind.'

Harry felt like biting his fist at the realisation that his last sentence had been out loud. Neville pulled Harry into a side hug.

'Relax, Harry,' he said, rubbing his thumb over his shoulder. 'It's just cleaning and repotting a tea bush.'

Harry felt more than a bit overwhelmed, like he'd accidentally stumbled into something he couldn't handle. He stepped away from Neville's body, his gaze taking in the beauty for what would probably be the last time.

'I...Maybe I should get back to parent orientation.'

Neville grinned.

'Sorry I didn't mean to freak you out. I had forgotten you've been out the dating pool for a while. You still with Ginny, then?'

'Uh-huh,' Harry said, hoping it was enough to pass as a response. 'Me and the missus. Coming up twenty years.'

'Twenty years. Wow. That's quite an achievement.'

'Uh-huh. Monogamy. Twenty years of it.'

Harry didn't feel like it was an achievement as he said it out loud to Neville, who was standing there topless, his hairy, muscular body a stark contrast to Ginny's familiar, curvy one. Ginny, who had found love elsewhere six years previously, and was now resolutely ignoring him until he returned the signed divorce papers. She was probably enduring yet another tour of some new feature added to Hogwarts since their time there. Not that she'd tell Harry, since her new love interest was also bringing a child to orientation week, and they were happily acting like the divorce was already final.

'You don't sound all that convinced about that.'

'I've been monogamous. We've been monogamish. We're happy. I'm happy. I made a good choice of a life partner.'

The lies sounded hollow as Harry said them. He knew Neville would see through him eventually, especially since he just couldn't keep a grip on himself.

'Okay.' Neville stroked his fingers over the back of Harry's hand. 'I admire people who can spend that long being faithful to one person. I respect your dedication to the cause.'

Harry kissed him then, running almost entirely on instinct. He grasped Neville's beautiful arms and pressed their lips together. When Neville didn't pull away, Harry licked his lips tentatively. Neville cupped Harry's face and kissed the breath out of him. He pressed their foreheads together, making Harry all the more aware of how close his mouth was.

'You were saying about your monogamy?' Neville whispered.

'I...er...It's complicated.' Harry couldn't come up with anything more plausible than the truth. 'Actually, no it's not. I was monogamous. Ginny had other ideas.'

Neville pressed a gentle kiss onto Harry's cheek.

'Help me re-pot my tea bush. Then I've got some home brew butter beer in the back for us to relax and chat over.' He stroked his hands down Harry's arms. 'My version is alcoholic, not like the kid-friendly piss they serve in the village.' He grinned. 'If you want.'

It sounded like a rejection. It was probably a rejection. Although Neville offering adult butterbeer was definitely, well, adult, and could lead to something more. Maybe it was still flirting. Maybe Harry grabbing his gorgeous, muscular guns, and kissing him like a desperate teenager hadn't put him off. Harry's painful memories of being very inept at wooing Ginny came rushing back to him, reminding him of everything he'd been almost successfully repressing for decades.

'Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.'

Neville showed Harry how to fill the pot with compost. Harry blushed when Neville's fingers brushed over his as they lifted the shrub into the fresh soil. He kept his eyes on their shared work to avoid letting Neville see how unreasonably excited he felt over the unexpected attention.

'Hold her steady while I fill her up with more soil,' Neville said, stroking Harry's forearm.

He had left a trail of dust in the hair on his arm, Harry noticed as Neville poured compost from his bag onto the tree's roots. He wanted to brush it off, but then again, it seemed a bit like an invitation, like maybe Neville wanted to clean it up himself.

'There we go.' Neville straightened, put the bag of compost back on the shelf, and hooked his pinky through Harry's. 'Now, about that beer I promised you.'

'Yeah. Butter beer. Sounds good.' Harry followed Neville down the row of plants, feeling tingly at the unaccustomed contact. 'You brew your own booze?'

Neville grinned at him. 'I'm not the herbology professor for nothing, you know. I mean, how else am I supposed to get good microbrewed beer in this place?'

'I suppose.' Harry felt kinda blown away that Neville was smart enough to make his own drinks. 'So, you googled it?'

Neville snorted.

'No, I ecosiaed it.' He pushed open the door to the dilapidated wooden shed in the back of the greenhouse. 'I suppose they're ultimately the same thing, really, it's just that Ecosia is more plantsy, and therefore more my vibe.'

He waved Harry should enter first. Harry stepped through the door and burst out laughing.

'I should've expected you'd use the tent re-sizing spell on your greenhouse.'

Neville chuckled, looking at Harry from under his eyelashes as he played with the corner of his jeans pocket.

'Every teacher needs some space away from their students.' He gestured around the warehouse-sized brewery and lab. 'So what do you think of my humble abode?'

Harry looked around him. There were a myriad plants he didn't recognise, each growing in its own neatly labelled terrarium with what Harry assumed was some kind of magical weather system. In between it all, Neville had complicated looking equipment set up. Harry had no idea what the machines were all for. He didn't even know if they were Magical. Maybe to monitor the plants, or extract some kind of herbal essences?

'I had no idea herbology could be so cool. I had no idea plants were so cool.' He reached out for Neville's hand. 'I had no idea you were so cool.'

Neville squeezed his hand.

'Yeah. You always did underestimate herbology's power as a discipline. Too busy being The Boy Who Lived – with all that went along with that – to stop and appreciate having soil under your fingernails.'

'Yeah. Gotta admit, I'm starting to regret my lack of an innocent childhood.'

'Yeah?' Neville said, walking over to a fridge tucked behind a wall of potted herbs. 'I can imagine the weight of expectation would be pretty heavy. Being The Boy Who Lived and all.'

'I landed that auror job right out of school, and I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. The world is so different now than it was back then. Voldemort was one man. Now that all the Muggle leaders have lost their minds, it's a bit different than when we were battling the forces of overt evil.'

Neville put the beers back in the fridge.

'These are too hoppy for your mind right now. You need something a bit perkier.' He went to a different fridge, this one hidden behind a vine with fruit that looked like red-lidded eyeballs, and poured two portions into whisky glasses from one of the bottles. 'Try this.'

'What is it?'

'Homebrew guaraná. Guaraná liqueur. Kind of a whisky-caffeine combo. Sacrilegious, of course, because neither Scots nor Brazilians want to be parted from their traditional recipe.'

'And they let you teach at a school?' Harry said, taking a glass from Neville's hand.

'I'm carrying on a long tradition of herbology professors having secret, heavily disguised, protection-charmed brew labs in the greenhouse.'

'Does McGonagall know what you do in here?'

Neville laughed.

'Minerva knows all.' He held out his glass, which Harry toasted. Neville put his hand on the small of Harry's back, making him feel tingly all over. 'Let's go sit on the comfy chairs.'

Harry let himself be led through a vine curtain and into a room with squashy couches.

'Seriously, Sprout had a brew lab back here all this time?'

'This lab and its protection charms go back as far as the foundation of Hogwarts. I've added my mark, but it's nothing new.'

'I had no idea herbology was such a rockstar field. Wow. I'm almost ready to trade in my auror trainer job and move in here.'

Neville chuckled.

'Yeah. Plants are easier to care for than people. Aside from anything, trying to make friends with other botanical people is really difficult when I keep having to erase their memory after every visit.'

'You mind-wipe Muggles? I feel like I should write you up for that. Maybe handcuff you and take you to the Ministry.'

Neville grinned at the mention of handcuffs.

'Yeah, well, when they come visit and see one of Charlie's fucking dragons, for example, I can't just let them walk away with that image.' He waved his glass. 'Besides, I do a yoga session with them while I mind-wipe them, so they don't remember the tension in their bodies.'

'I guess that's fair enough.'

'Down-side is they think I'm a rural yoga teacher with a greenhouse and an academic writing habit, not a herbology teacher. I can never collaborate with any of them, because they don't know who I really am.'

'That's gotta suck.'

'I like my life. I have a grow-house and brewery that most people in the trade would envy. I have a decent and growing reputation as a Muggle scholar, as well as in the herbology community, even if I can't officially collaborate with any other Muggle botany researchers. I have a lovely boyfriend who likes to watch me be indecent with other people. I just can't co-author ethnobotany books with anyone, because whenever I hang out with Muggles here, weird stuff happens.'

Harry sipped his drink, and looked around the wood-lined room, decorated with a collection of rare orchids.

'This is a nice place.'

'Thanks. I like it. And you? Things still going well with Ginny?'

Harry swallowed, perhaps a bit too audibly. He swirled the ice cubes around inside his drink.

'I'm here alone. Well, Ginny and I are here separately together, if that makes sense. Even after we took the auror trainer jobs to spend more time at home, together...I think I was away in the field, flying solo for too long. We. We were both away too long, tag-teaming parenthood around work. I guess we grew apart.'

'Shit, I'm sorry, man. I really hoped you'd work out. You seemed like a solid couple.'

'Yeah. I guess she wanted to star in her own show. She's now running the German office.' Harry didn't mention the unsigned divorce papers sitting on the table in his hotel room in Hogsmeade. Ginny had helpfully tagged them with mini post-it notes, indicating where he should sign and initial. 'I'm here, doing orientation week for Lily, like a good parent.'

Harry's eyes caught Neville's for a brief moment. He looked away from the tender compassion, focussing on the wall of orchids. Looking at plants was less complicated than letting Neville see how much it hurt that Ginny had moved on from him without so much as a backward glance.

'We've found that the kids settle in better when the parents come to orientation week. It was one of Carlos' ideas. Especially Muggle-born kids find it hard to adapt to the magical world, with their parents back home, asking questions and not understanding their new context. But it helps magical children too. They seem to feel safer, associating their heritage with their new school.'

'Carlos?'

'My boyfriend. Carlos. He's Muggle-born and started Hogwarts after we graduated, so I guess you wouldn't recognise him. Carlos divines. I mean he teaches divination.'

'You're dating the new divination teacher?'

'Don't worry. He's much sexier than Trelawney.'

'I know, but still. It's quite a feminine field.'

Neville sat back in his chair, picked up his glass, and gave Harry an intense stare as he sipped it.

'You lot were always uncomfortable with the more emotional, uncertain parts of our curricula.'

'Yes, well, I landed a wife, despite my emotional ineptitude.' Harry gulped the rest of his drink. 'I was better at feelings than Hermione and Ron.'

'I wasn't attacking you. Just saying that Carlos is more comfortable with uncertainty at times when his world isn't falling apart.' Neville gestured vaguely. 'I suppose inviting you into my sanctuary is me putting old fantasies to bed. Reminding myself how good I've got it now.'

Harry gulped, regretting finishing the liqueur Neville had poured him.

'You had fantasies in school?'

Neville laughed.

'You didn't?' He smirked into his glass. 'You who used to lie in bed and moan Cedric's name.'

Harry blushed, staring at the orchid above Neville's head.

'Did you know that orchid behind you had little dots in a line along the petals?'

'I did. It's to guide the pollinators into the nectary. Like landing lights.' Neville paused, giving Harry a lopsided grin. 'Did you know the word orchid is from the Greek word for testicles? The botanist who “discovered” orchids thought that the two lower petals looked like balls hanging down on either side of a cock.'

'I didn't.' Harry stared at Neville, trying to work out if that was herbologist for flirting. 'If we're going to get into cocks and balls and fantasies, can I at least get a refill?'

Neville stood, collected his drink, and walked over to Harry. He leaned over him to pick up his glass, his body tantalisingly close to Harry's face. He smiled down at Harry.

'Follow me.'

Harry followed Neville into the main hall of the lab. He was half convinced Neville was posing and flexing for his benefit as he refilled their glasses, but he rationalised that the vibes he was feeling were probably just him not having had sex for several years messing with his judgment. Seven years, to be exact. Seven years last week. Seven lonely, long, hard years, served for a marriage that had disintegrated anyway. Neville turned and leaned against the stainless steel bench.

'Help yourself,' he said, pointing to the other glass as he picked his own up.

Harry deliberately stood too close to Neville as he reached for the drink, trying to gauge his reaction. He didn't flinch or move away. Harry decided to lean against the bench close enough that they could bump hands and elbows if they wanted to. He sipped his drink.

'This liqueur is amazing. I don't think I said that before. What did you do to make it?'

Neville leaned towards Harry, bumping their upper arms against each other.

'A craftsman never divulges his secrets.' He turned to face Harry. 'As for what it does, it increases energy, gives a feeling of vitality.'

'Ha. Can I get a bottle to take home?'

'Or you could come drink here. Get your feeling of vitality with human company. The fireplace here is on the network, even though it's well hidden to keep my students from interrupting my private time. I'll tell you the password to come visit, if you want.'

'Don't you have a boyfriend?'

'As I said, we have an arrangement.' Neville stroked the back of Harry's hand. 'You want to talk about the sad face you made when you said Ginny was running the German office?'

'No.' Feeling bold and impulsive, he turned to lean the side of his hip against the bench. He ran his fingertips up Neville's arm. 'What kind of arrangement do you have?'

'The kind where I invite him to watch when I'm with other people. He gets off on it as much as I do.'

'That's actually a pretty hot thought.' Harry chuckled. 'I suppose that a voyeurism fetish works well with divination as his magic art.'

'Does that mean you'd be up for being watched?'

Harry blinked, simultaneously more horny and more anxious than he'd been in a long time.

'Yes,' he whispered, unable to make his vocal cords work around the conflicting emotions.

Neville cupped Harry's jaw and kissed him softly. Harry sighed, relaxing into his embrace. Neville crowded him against the bench, picked him up by his arse, and set him on top of the counter. Harry wrapped his legs around Neville's thighs, glad that he was as good with men as he was with plants. Neville rested their foreheads together.

'How long has it been since you were with a man?'

'Pretty much since Cedric.'

'Pretty much?'

'I've kissed a few men in the line of duty – trying to make a getaway look natural without using magic in public and such – but nothing real.'

Nothing anywhere near as hot and tender as the kiss he'd just shared with Neville, who was now gently stroking Harry's thighs through his jeans. He wondered if he should pull Neville's hips closer, let him know the effect he was having with his hairy, muscular body, and his delicious, boozy potions. Neville ran the pad of his thumb over the tip of Harry's erection. Harry buried his face in Neville's shoulder to muffle his groan.

'So nothing as real as this, then?'

'No. Not even a sneaky hand job.'

Neville kissed Harry's neck, the soft hair of his beard tickling the skin. Harry pulled Neville closer with all four of his limbs. Neville cupped Harry's arse. He looked Harry in the eye, smiling slowly.

'And women? I'm not going to have an angry Weasley woman flying out my fireplace, yelling about the sanctity of marriage?'

'The divorce papers are in my hotel room in Hogsmeade. Her new lover's toothbrush is in her room. She won't care. I just want to fool around with you, be close, open up in a way that I haven't in far too long.'

'You're finally ready to be all the way open to forms of magic that need you to be present with your pleasure, not just remaking your past, fulfilling your destiny, doing what you were morally obliged?'

'Merlin, that sounds amazing.'

Neville leaned in and gave him a slow, tender kiss. He stroked down the side of Harry's thighs, cupped his hands over his knees, and traced the inner seam of his jeans back up his legs as they made out. Harry sighed into Neville's mouth when his hands came to rest next to his body. Neville chuckled.

'So eager.' He straightened, running his thumbs over Harry's legs. 'You want to come upstairs?'

'Yes.' Harry said enthusiastically before pausing to wonder about something that had been nagging in the back of his mind since Neville started overtly flirting. He took a deep breath. 'Uh, please don't take this the wrong way, but we aren't about to fuck in Professor Sprout's old bedroom, are we?'

Neville threw his head back and laughed.

'No. I think that would lose a hundred points for Gryffindor. Pomona still stays here between trips, and, even though I now have free reign of the lab and greenhouse, she would be deeply upset if I stunk out her bed while performing unspeakable acts of hedonism on The Boy Who Lived. I made separate quarters for myself on the other side. Converted Beery's old room.' He cupped Harry's jaw in both hands, and pressed their lips together for a moment. 'I share it with Carlos, since he prefers the greenhouse to the tower.'

'The school are okay with the divination teacher walking across the lawn every morning?'

'Apparating.'

'Ah. Yes. Of course.'

'Just going back to the other half of your question – whether or not we'll be fucking – that's also a no.' Neville traced his knuckles down Harry's chest. 'I don't fuck; I do slow and careful work. I take the time to make sensuous love to all of my partners.'

'That sounds amazing.'

Neville wrapped his arm around Harry, and apparated them both into his bedroom. On hearing a familiar voice moaning things that made him blush, Harry looked over his shoulder and saw himself and Neville on the bed, with Neville's face buried in his arse. His other self had clearly relaxed into letting Neville know how needy and desperate he was, from the way he was begging for more, deeper, harder.

'What the fuck, Nev?' Harry whispered in his ear.

Neville put Harry down on the floor, and walked over to the coat rack that housed several dressing gowns of varying levels of fluffiness. He picked up a time turner and pulled the post-it note off the stretch of driftwood next to it. He smiled like he was being filled with warmth from some invisible fuel pump. He held the post-it out to Harry.

'Chico,' it said. 'Start the sex with your old friend at midday or you'll be late for your parent tour. This is too sweet and tender for me to watch. I give you a hall pass. C x'

'Okay, now I understand why you're so blissfully happy with Carlos the psychic voyeur.'

'Do I take it that you'd definitely be open to sweet and tender?'

'Well, since he left a time turner, and a rendezvous time, and seems to have predicted we'd need time alone...'

'He enjoys when I make him jealously pine for me, but he knows when it's a performance for him and when it's for me.'

'Carlos pines, he divines, it's like everything he does rhymes with a brand of baked beans.'

'It's a running joke.' Neville pulled Harry into a bear hug, and put the time turner's chain around both their necks. 'You ready?'

Harry nodded. Neville turned the dial, and they uncomfortably squeezed through the fabric of time. When they emerged into the empty room, Harry turned around in Neville's arms.

'I had forgotten how big you were,' he said, pressing his erection against Neville's

Neville grinned.

'I think you're wearing too many clothes for this conversation.'

Harry tipped his head to the side, trying to play coy.

'What are you going to do about it?'

'This.' He pulled Harry's jumper over his head, and unbuttoned his shirt. He caressed his chest with his fingertips, making Harry's skin pucker into goose flesh. 'It's hot, how desperately horny you are.'

'Sorry, it's been a while.' Harry paused, feeling like he should probably explain his awkward desperation to Neville before they went any further. 'To answer your question from earlier, it's been seven years since anyone other than my proctologist has had anything up my arse, and, as happy and totally not jealous as I am for Ginny that she found a nice lady to top, I need a long, fat cock in me like fish need water.'

'I can do that.' Neville ran his hands over Harry's upper arms. 'But not fully dressed, if you want to help me out with that.'

Harry undid the button and zipper on Neville's jeans and pushed them down, hesitating a moment before he tentatively palmed Neville's erection through his underwear. Neville put his hand over Harry's, canting his hips against it to stress his point. Harry squeezed the tip between his fingers, and was almost undone by Neville's moan, delivered with a thrust into Harry's hand.

'We're going to have fun, I think,' Neville said.

'I hope so. Just...' Harry looked away, dropping his hand to his side as the vulnerability overwhelmed him.

'Just?'

'Go slow with me? I...I take a while to, you know, relax.'

Neville deftly denuded Harry's bottom half, wrapping his hand around his length. He looked intently into Harry's eyes as he slowly milked his cock.

'I do experiments on plants for a living. Plants. The creatures that sometimes take more than a century to mature and flower. And I brew award-winning beers and liqueurs as my hobby. A year to grow the carbs, at least a year in the brew cask, and then time for the flavours of the magical or medicinal herbs to infuse. Both my job and my art form are pushing the limits of slowness. And you're worried that I'm a fast enough lover to penetrate you unprepared?'

Harry chuckled.

'Fair point.'

'On the bed. I want to kiss you without getting neck cramps.'

And what a kiss it was. Harry relished being pinned down by Neville's tanned, muscular body, writhing together as they made out. He found himself regretting not doing this with Neville at school, ignoring him in favour of Cedric. Neville jarred him out of his head by pulling him to straddle his lap. He ran his hands up Harry's thighs.

'I don't know where your mind went just then, but be here with me. I can't do the slow and careful work of pleasure if you keep mentally wandering off.'

Harry looked down at Neville, lying flushed and dishevelled on the bed.

'I was here with you. Well, I was visiting past you and past me, wondering if things would've been different if we'd done this at school. Or after school.'

Neville squeezed Harry's legs. He sat up, pressing his cock more firmly against Harry's. He ran his hands up Harry's naked back, giving him gooseflesh all over his body.

'Probably not. We were different people back then. The world was a different place. I stayed in the closet, except around Pomona and Luna, because I thought I knew what the reaction would be. You...I don't know why this is the first time you've looked at me like I was a buffet you'd like to eat from. Probably because I got ripped as soon as I worked out that muscle was what I thought was hot on my body. Point is, we're different now.' He kissed Harry gently. 'The trick with lost years is that they're never really lost. They're just the time you needed to compost all the shit that started them. I reckon your soil is ready for new seeds now.'

Harry chuckled.

'By using a seed metaphor, do you mean you're agreeing to top me?'

Neville laughed.

'That was a happy accident, Handsome.' He kissed his way along Harry's collarbone. 'I just think in plant metaphors. Almost two decades of teaching kids to grow plants and harvest their fruits has made me a bit narrow, perhaps.'

'So that's a no to topping me?' Harry said, feeling more than a bit disappointed.

'No, that's very much a yes to topping you. Sorry, I didn't make myself clear.' He kissed his way up Harry's neck. 'What did you have in mind?'

'Sex, mainly. I mean, not when I came here. I just wanted to catch up with you. But then you were so sexy and flirty, and I remembered how much I missed being loved and drawn out of my own head, and given pleasure without it being interrupted by a mountain of obligations and parenting shit, and I thought about how well we got on in school, and then I regretted not jumping you earlier, and...' Harry realised he was rambling and took a deep breath. 'I'm going to stop talking now.'

Neville leaned back enough to look into Harry's eyes as he stroked his face with his knuckles.

'You can keep talking, if you want. I don't often have the opportunity to reduce someone to emotional babbling. It's kind of a rush, to be honest.'

'Emotional babbling?' Harry said as he felt the memory of Neville's dependability for an honest answer crash into him. 'You're not wrong, but those words?'

'Look, it's beautiful, and I want to make slow and careful love to you more now than before you admitted you were lonely and horny and wanted to be broken open.'

Harry couldn't decide if he wanted to be ravished on the spot, or if he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him to save him from the deep cringe of being so completely seen.

'Lonely and horny is hot to you?'

'Am I allowed a plant story to illustrate my point? I don't know how to say it in feelings.'

'Go ahead,' Harry said, wondering how filthy the metaphor could possibly be.

'Muggles send me the sick plants in their collections to resuscitate. Delightfully often. I love feeling like the only one they can think of who could handle caring for such a rare one. Or wizarding people – parents of students, or ex students – call me for tech support on their vegetables and cacti. That's how I met Carlos. He came to me with a struggling plant when Trelawney was having her lesbian awakening about Pomona – right after Trelawney decided to quit and travel the world, learning about divinatory Muggle psychedelics with Pomona – and Minerva ended up hiring him to replace her.'

'Trelawney had a lesbian awakening about Sprout? Merlin. I had no idea about either of them. I thought Cedric and I were the only ones.'

'Yeah, wrong on both counts, Harry.' Neville ran his hand over Harry's bare flank. 'Anyway, back to story time. You have no idea how much satisfaction I get from receiving a plant that's starved, dehydrated, root-bound, or heat or light stressed, and seeing it come back to itself after I give it some of the love it's been needing.'

'I've never been more complimented to be compared to a house plant.'

Neville grinned.

'That bodes well for me. I have a lot of material like that.' He stroked his fingertips up Harry's spine, sending tingles through his whole body. 'Can we get to the sex part now? I'm very turned on by the thought of loosening your roots and giving you some extra compost.'

Harry pulled Neville into a hungry, needy kiss. He figured having his roots loosened would involve Neville's long, thick cock in his arse, and he was definitely here for that. Neville picked him up by his arse cheeks without breaking the kiss, and carefully laid him on the bed. He planted a trail of soft kisses down Harry's torso, making him sigh.

'Fuck, that feels good,' Harry said when Neville licked the underside of his cock. Neville took the tip into his mouth, and hummed appreciatively. 'Oh yes. Like that. More of that, please?'

Neville looked up at him, letting his prick slip out of his mouth. He squeezed the base and slowly milked it. Harry made a noise so obscene he blushed at his own neediness.

'More of the noises and babbling and begging, please,' Neville said. 'I like feedback.'

With that, Neville wet two fingers in his mouth and stroked them over Harry's hole. Harry whined.

'Oh, Merlin, yes. Are you into giving rim jobs, because it's been so long since I had someone do that for me, and I really love being licked out to relax my arse, and I'd make all the dirtiest noises if you did that.'

Without replying, Neville rolled Harry onto his front by guiding one thigh over his head. He pulled one of the pillows down the top of the bed, lifted Harry's hips, and slid it under him to angle his arse into the air. Harry whimpered. Neville parted his cheeks with his thumbs before licked the length of his crack, from the small of his back all the way to his ball sack, making Harry wantonly flex back into the contact.

'Yeah, Nev. Like that.'

'Are you going to beg for it like a good boy?' Neville said, pressing his knuckles into Harry's taint in a way that made him squeak as his hips jerked into the contact.

'Please?'

'Please, what?'

'More licking please? I love how your beard feels in my crack.'

'I meant if you wanted to call me my name or Daddy or something, you could say it when you beg. I enjoy that with the begging and the happy rambles.'

'Okay. I can definitely do that.' Harry looked back over his shoulder at Neville. 'Please, please, Plant Daddy, please, I really want your tongue on my hole.'

'Good boy.'

Neville circled Harry's hole with his tongue as he ran his hand over the insides of his thighs, sending tingles through his body. Harry moaned loudly. Neville pushed his thighs apart, and unleashed a tongue tornado on his arse, making him wetter than he'd been in far too long.

'Oh yes. Oh Nev. Merlin, you're good at this. I'm so horny right now I could probably come just from what you're doing.'

Harry's ramble ended in an undignified whimper as Neville pressed the tip of his tongue into him. He willingly relinquished whatever dignity he had left, spreading his legs wider and pushing his arse into Neville's face.

'Please more? Deeper. I want all of you inside me.'

Neville obliged, pushing his tongue into Harry's hole to open him up. He reached around and stroked Harry's cock as he worked. Harry felt his body respond to the dedicated attention with a crescendo of pleasure.

'Oh Merlin, Nev, I'm sorry. I think I'm going to come.'

Neville squeezed the base of his cock and lifted his head.

'Not yet. You don't get to do that until I've had my fill of you making happy sounds.'

Neville lay down next to Harry and stroked his back with his fingertips. Harry opened his eyes and gazed into Neville's, relishing the look of pure lust he saw there. He rolled onto his back, strongly suspecting that if he carried on resting his cock on Neville's pillow, he might just hump his way to completion. Neville pushed his black boxer briefs down his legs, dropping them over the side of the bed. He stroked his flushed prick performatively at Harry.

'Look what you've done to me, Handsome,' he said. 'Look what your slutty moaning and needy begging has done to my cock.'

Harry tentatively reached out and played his fingertips through the moisture leaking out of Neville's piss slit.

'I'd like to lick it, if you want me to.'

Neville squeezed Harry's knee with his free hand.

'You, Sexy, can do whatever you want to my cock.'

Harry knelt between Neville's thighs. He ran his hands over them as he stared at Nev's gorgeous erection, feeling more than a bit out of practice. Neville sat up and interlaced his fingers with Harry's.

'If you haven't done this since Cedric, that's, what, twenty-four years?'

'Uh-huh,' Harry said, wishing Neville hadn't just reminded him of how inexperienced he was with men.

'Have you thought about it since then?'

'Uh-huh.'

Harry didn't elaborate. Neville didn't need to know about the years of wank shame he had stashed in his mind from replaying the memories of his brief fling with Cedric while Ginny was away working. He squeezed Neville's hands.

'Is my cock different to how you remember Cedric's?'

'Uh-huh.' Harry released one of Neville's hands and wrapped it around his cock, measuring its girth. 'You're bigger than he was. Quite a lot bigger, actually. Intimidatingly big. I don't think I could swallow your wand to the hilt like I could do with him. I don't think I can offer you the opportunity to grab my hair and fuck my face.'

Neville chuckled as he lifted Harry's chin to look into his face.

'Just to be clear, I don't expect deep throating. I never really enjoyed it when I did meet a champion wand swallower. I understand why people find the aesthetic appealing, I do. But biology. The pollen release trigger is in the wrong place.' Neville paused with a look on his face like he was translating in his head. 'The sensitive parts aren't the bit near my balls, so, if you wanted to use your mouth on the head and your hands on the shaft, I'd enjoy that a lot.'

'Is that what you like? The lick and jerk combo?'

'As long as you don't give me too much teeth action, we'll do well.'

'Okay.'

Harry stared at Neville's cock some more, trying to remember how he'd started it off, the last time he'd given Cedric a blowjob.

'Need me to help you start?'

Harry nodded, feeling sheepish. Neville wrapped his hand around Harry's, and slowly pumped his cock, leaning back and using his free hand to prop himself up. Harry tentatively squeezed Neville's cock, which elicited a guttural and very arousing moan.

'You like a tight grip?'

'Don't choke the chicken and cut off my blood supply, but what you're doing is good.' Neville released Harry's hand and lay all the way back. 'I'm going to let you work your magic for a bit, okay?'

'Okay.'

Harry kept his gaze on Neville's face as he bent to lick the salty moisture off the tip of his cock. Neville closed his eyes and groaned.

'More of that, Sexy.'

Harry wrapped his lips around Neville's corona, massaging the tip with his tongue as he slowly pumped the shaft.

'Oh yeah, that's good. You're doing well,' Neville said as he played his fingers through Harry's hair, his face a picture of bliss. 'Keep doing that, Handsome.'

Harry wrapped his other hand around Neville's shaft, above the first, squeezing it as he moved his hands up and down. Neville's grip on his hair tightened.

'Fuck yes,' Neville moaned. 'You're really good at this.'

Harry kept up his rhythm until his jaw started to cramp from being stretched so wide open. He licked his way down Neville's cock, and lapped gently at his balls, remembering how much Cedric had loved a good tea bagging. Neville squirmed, making an uncomfortable noise.

'Less with the ball action,' he said. 'You have no idea how ticklish that is for me.'

'Oh. Okay.' Harry rocked back on his haunches, straightening to look at Neville. 'Do you like having your taint played with?'

'Fuck yeah, that sounds amazing.'

Harry spread Neville's thighs further apart and got to work, jerking Neville off as he licked the sensitive skin between Neville's balls and his hole. He pushed Neville's legs up to expose his arse, exploring it with his tongue. Neville groaned.

'Yeah, Handsome. Lick me out.'

Spurred on by the encouragement, Harry did everything he's fantasised about doing for the length of his marriage. Neville rewarded him with enthusiastic moans and obscene encouragement, which did more for his ego than anything else he'd achieved in a long time. By the time Neville pushed his head away to delay his own orgasm, Harry felt like the champion of arse and cock.

***

Neville pulled out of Harry's body, tightening his arms as he buried his face in his neck. He kissed the skin there.

'That was an amazing play session,' he murmured into Harry's ear as he caressed his flank.

'Mmm. Yeah. For me too.'

Neville rolled onto his side, keeping Harry in his embrace. He stroked Harry's back.

'Yeah? You glad you came to the greenhouse to break your drought?'

'Very. I hadn't realised how lonely I'd got, the last few years, with Ginny off in Germany, fucking the head of the Ministry in Berlin.' Harry squeezed Neville's waist as his body tensed in aftershock. He lay panting in Neville's arms for a few moments after the wave of pleasure-pain passed, enjoying the gentle care of his touches. 'And yeah, I'm glad I came here.' He pulled away to look into Neville's eyes. 'I didn't realise what a spectacularly skilful lover you were. I'm definitely coming back for more.'

Neville kissed Harry, stroking his hair back from where it had sweatily clumped on his forehead.

'I'll hold you to that. I have some aphrodisiacs to test and I think you'll enjoy them.' Neville patted Harry's upper arm. 'It's half past three. Time for us to shower and look respectable for my parent tour. If you don't mind running into Carlos, you can pretend you're just here for the tour of my greenhouse.'

'Why is Carlos coming for the parent tour?'

'Oh, he signs in several languages. He's interpreting for a hearing impaired parent.'

'Why do I feel like he chooses his skills based on rhyming?'

'It's more my rhyming than his.'

'If I come up here often enough, will you start to rhyme about me?'

Neville laughed.

'Probably.'


	2. Carlos Divines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos spends some time getting to know Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut this chapter, sorry. It's coming, though. I've been off the fic writing wagon for over a month (alas, holiday feels), but Carlos posting a video of himself signing caps with the caption "Carlos signs," reminded me I needed to finish this fic off.

Carlos used his body to herd Harry away from the other parents at the end of the tour. Not that Harry wasn't glad for the excuse to leave the group, who had been low-key fanning over him the entire tour. Stanning. That was a more accurate term, since some of it definitely wasn't low- key. A few of the other parents remembered things about him and his life that he'd long since forgotten, which was always a weird sensation. It wasn't that he wasn't relieved to leave the group, but he found it more than a bit unnerving that Carlos was the one doing the herding. Even after Nev had washed him down in his shower that felt more like a jungle, Harry felt like what he needed was privacy to process what had just happened, not a crowd of stalker fans. For all Harry knew, Carlos could be the king of the stalker fans.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Carlos said quietly as they reached the shed at the back of the greenhouse.

He held the shed door open, running his fingers through his lush hair. He grinned at Harry in a way that made his heart flutter. Harry walked through the door, more for an excuse to angle his body away from the young Spaniard than a desire to be alone with him.

'About what, the stalker fans in the parent group, or the sex I had in your bed earlier that you seem oddly unbothered by?'

'Whichever. Both?'

'Are you one of the stalker fans? Do I need to be on my guard against you as well? Are you going to change the sheets before you go to sleep tonight? How are you aroused by seeing your partner fuck someone else? I mean, I get that Neville's smoking hot these days, and the things he does with his tongue and his cock...I'd forgive a lot for a regular dose of that goodness, so I understand not wanting to kill him for fucking around. But I found seeing my wife fucking someone else...I found it horrifying in a way that I couldn't even wank for a month after I walked into the Berlin flat and saw Ginny fucking that woman in ways I'd asked for a thousand times and never got.'

'No, I am not one of the stalker fans. People who remember so much about the past are not so concerned with the future. Not as concerned as they should be. That's the difference. Neville gives me everything I ask for, everything other people ask for that he enjoyed doing to them, or he thinks I'll like.' Carlos filled the kettle and put it on the stove. 'You were drinking the guaraná earlier, no?'

'Buzzy, sweet, and boozy enough to make my stomach feel the burn?'

Carlos held up a bottle of the stuff they'd been drinking earlier. Harry nodded.

'I assume that you're too nervous to stay sober if we start drinking.' Carlos looked over his shoulder at the shelf of assorted herbs. 'Instead of giving you alcohol, may I read your tea leaves? Or your coffee grounds, whichever you want to drink right now?'

'Uh, a cup of tea would be great, thanks.'

Carlos took a tea pot off the shelf.

'Can I make interesting tea, or do you want something normal like English breakfast?'

'Define interesting?' Harry said.

'Jasmine? It's a Muggle tea, but it helps foresight, even in Magical people.'

'Okay. Go ahead.'

Harry felt like seeing his future would probably be depressing as fuck, but Carlos seemed intent on it. Who was he to argue with Neville's sexy young boy toy? Carlos spooned some of the mix into the pot's tea leaf holder, and turned around, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Harry copied his pose, choosing a spot a safe distance from him.

'So. Tell me more about what happened in Berlin?'

'What do you want to know?'

'I wonder how did it feel like for you, seeing her like that?'

'Seeing Ginny pleasure-torturing her lover with a fuck machine and a dildo, when I'd asked a million times to be tied down and forced to come until my balls were empty? It felt like betrayal.'

'You wanted her to put you on a fuck machine?'

'Well, I don't have the extra hole down there for the double dildo, but yeah. I'd been asking her for years to tie me up and make me forget the world. Forget work. Forget my obligations. Forget that I'm The Boy Who Lived, the man who can't go anywhere without Magical people going crazy and wanting a piece of me – my autograph, or a selfie, or a hug, or to tell me some long, weirdly personal story about how I inspired them to do something. Sometimes one of them gets really bizarre and try to pull a few strands of hair, which makes me worried about hexing. When someone does that, I put extra wards on the house and all my stuff.'

Carlos tipped his head to the side as the kettle whistled. He switched off the gas flame.

'You wanted to get lost in pleasure?'

'Something like that, yeah.'

'Now I understand why you looked fuck drunk after spending the afternoon with my Neville.' Carlos turned and poured a splash of hot water into the kettle. He swirled it around several times before dumping it into the sink. Carlos filled the kettle, and gently rested the leaf basket in its cradle. 'You haven't tried to have sex with anyone else?' he said, turning back to face Harry.

Harry sighed, feeling his mind slip into the familiar circular track of wanting anonymity, wanting to just go on a date with someone new who didn't know about him, but having the costs of celebrity instead. He fidgeted with the hole in the armpit of his sweater and stared out the window above the sink.

'Not really.'

Carlos lifted the leaf basket out of the tea pot, poured two cups, and held one out to Harry as he perched on the breakfast bar stool. Harry took the proffered tea. It would probably help, since he had inadvertently been herded into talking about his feelings with someone who knew how to work a crystal ball.

'What do you mean “not really”? You mean you've tried and it didn't go well, or you haven't tried?'

Harry sighed.

'You want the truth?'

'Always.'

'You know those stalker fans I was worried about you being?'

'Yes.'

'Every time I think about maybe putting a personals ad in the Daily Prophet, I start worrying about whether my house will suddenly become owl central, and I'll scare my kids.'

'Your children are now all at Hogwarts, no? Then your house is empty, and you can have all the owls bringing you responses from your ad.'

'Yeah.' Harry sighed. 'I have no more excuses to avoid dating. Thing is, Magical people all respect me too much. I've heard the sex is always rubbish when people respect you too much.'

'You haven't tried dating someone from work?'

'No. Ginny's also an auror, so everyone's heard the rumours about her and Giesele. I get a mix of pity and sympathy, which, honestly, is the worst fucking response. I'd rather people blamed me for not keeping her satisfied, or whatever shitty stories they come up with in their minds. Anything but pity and sympathy. It's the fucking worst.'

'You haven't tried one of those apps Muggles use to get hookups? If Magical people respect you either too much or not enough, why not someone who knows nothing about you?'

Harry recoiled.

'No. Definitely not. I don't want a Muggle. There's way too much to explain about my lifestyle for that to be a possibility. Even just for a hookup. I mean what, I'm supposed to hide my broom, my robes, everything that makes me who I am, just so I can get my end off? No thanks.'

'So no love, no sex. That's what you choose?'

'It's better than having flashbacks of Ginny fucking Giesele every time someone tries to kiss me.'

'And now we have the truth.' Carlos sat back on his stool, looking smug. 'Did you have flashbacks when Neville kissed you this afternoon?'

'No,' Harry said. 'Speaking of, how are you so fucking calm about your partner having other lovers?'

'I've started to get very turned on by the smell of other men in our bed,' Carlos said. He sipped his drink. 'It means someone has lit the fire of my handsome partner, and he wants to try new games with me.' He stroked his knuckle over the back of Harry's hand. 'How long since she stopped fucking you?'

Harry had a mouthful, feeling like he needed courage to admit that particular fact. The tea warmed him from the inside. He set the cup down on the counter, aware that he'd need to actually say something at some point. He cleared his throat.

'Uh, seven years last week.'

'That's a very specific answer. And how long after that did you find her with the other?'

Harry had another mouthful of the aromatic tea. He set it down on the mirrored saucer, wondering if Carlos could read the fine dust of aromatics that had leaked out of the leaf basket into his cup. He sighed and looked up at Carlos.

'About a year. I went there to surprise her with a holiday. Rekindle the fire, or something else delusional like that.'

Carlos said nothing, just squeezed his hand. In an odd way, it felt like the pressure Harry needed to let more of his feelings ooze out.

'I guess I should've seen it coming. I mean, at first I didn't notice that we weren't doing anything. We were both busy with work, the kids, life. We'd survived her moving into the spare room a few years earlier, because my snoring was keeping her up when she was at home. She was working on an undercover case for several months, so she moved into the flat in Edinburgh to keep the kids safe. Then she got the job in Germany, and it seemed natural that she'd live there. Being an auror involves so much travelling that I didn't notice that we'd effectively separated until I went to Berlin.'

'Sounds unfair.'

'It was. Do I not deserve the dignity of a fucking conversation? I mean, does fifteen years together, thirteen years married, me cooking for her and massaging her feet through three pregnancies, her literally giving me a hand injury for every fucking birth because “natural” was important to her...does that all mean nothing? Do I mean nothing?'

Harry punctuated his rant by downing the remainder of his tea, leaving the dregs in the bottom of the cup. He wished Carlos had given him booze or something to numb the pain of talking about how his wife betrayed him.

'Sounds like a lot of responsibility for both of you.'

'I can't tell if you mean that as a compliment or an insult.'

'Neither. It is what it is. Fire needs oxygen to burn.'

'So I should've given her more space?'

'Forget about her fire. It sounds like she had all the space she needed. What about yours?'

'She kept it burning.'

Carlos glanced at Harry's cup. He pointed to it, raising his eyebrow.

'Swirl that three times clockwise, and three times anticlockwise, then put it upside-down in the saucer.'

Harry did as he was told, and slid it over the counter to Carlos. The Spaniard lifted the cup, and frowned at the clumps of leaf dust in the tea.

'Was your fire burning because of things she did, or because of things you thought?'

'Just give me a sec to think.' Harry racked his brains, trying to find examples of Ginny making romantic advances towards him. 'I was the hunter in our relationship, I suppose.'

'What do you mean?'

'I'd get tired of waiting for her to start the party, and jump her if it'd been too long.'

'And you'd top her?'

'Most of the time. After she went to that Ann Summers party that a Muggle she rescued held, she had a strap-on that she used on me a few times.'

'Did she use it with the other woman?'

Harry poured himself another cup of tea and took a big gulp. He relished the burn in his throat. It felt somehow comforting to have physical pain to rationalise feeling as miserable as he did. He put the cup down on the counter, not wanting to disturb the puddle of leaf dust in the saucer.

'She had that slutty bitch on a double-dildo fuck machine while she fucked her mouth with the strap-on. Different cock to the one she used with me, though. I didn't know glass dildos existed until the trip to Berlin.' Harry sighed. 'I shouldn't call her a slutty bitch. She's probably a lovely person. I just don't love that my wife did that to her instead of me. Even though I don't have the extra hole for the double-header.'

Carlos took Harry's left hand, cradling it between both of his.

'Would you like to hear the difference between our relationships? Would it help you to hear about how Neville brings other people's fires back to our fireplace?'

Harry felt like withdrawing his hand. It wasn't enough that their relationship seemed perfect, Carlos now had to rub that perfection in his face? He smiled as genuine a smile as he could manage.

'What's in it for you? Is talking about it part of your kink?'

Carlos' hands twitched around Harry's.

'Neville has brought other old friends home before. He has fucked them in our bed to make me jealous, and then he spent all night showing off what he learned. Even that Draco guy came for some hate sex when he dropped his eldest kid off at the school. I kissed him on his way out, and my partner didn't get jealous. Neville never gets jealous when I kiss his visitors. You are the first one that he would be jealous.'

Something stirred in Harry's gut at the thought of Neville being jealous of Carlos kissing him.

'How do you know?'

'I saw it in my mirror bowl this morning. I was teaching the third years, and it took me by surprise, as you can imagine.'

'Yeah.'

Against his better judgment, Harry had to agree with Carlos that receiving news of one's own love life in front of a room full of students probably would be unnerving.

'Do you often kiss his visitors?'

'The ones I think are hot, sure.' Carlos stroked Harry's thumb. 'One time, I fucked one of his Muggle plant friends after they did yoga together. I took him upstairs and made him shout my name while Neville did his Saturday afternoon weeding. The window was open. I know he heard me fuck that guy. All he did was make me cook for him for a week. I didn't even get spanked.'

If Harry was honest, the hedonistic vibe of their relationship turned him on, as well as making him wildly jealous about the obvious trust that they shared, which was so achingly absent from his own marriage. He wasn't sure if it was just that he'd been sexlessly faithful to Ginny for so long that hearing about other people's thriving relationships was like balm for his romantic soul, or whether he actually wanted to be involved in a situation so embracing of the erotic.

'Do you want to try make Nev jealous tonight?' Harry said, figuring that Carlos was probably hitting on him in a roundabout way by making him talk about his feelings for so long. 'My train back to London doesn't leave until noon tomorrow.'

Carlos rounded the breakfast bar, parted Harry's thighs with his own, and kissed him. Carlos stroked the bulge in Harry's jeans. Harry made a slightly strangled noise, alarmed at how fast Carlos worked. Carlos straightened and carded his fingers through Harry's hair.

'I'm going to fast for you, no?' Harry nodded. 'Instead of kissing, shall I cook for you?' he said, giving Harry the kind of intense stare that made him feel very exposed.

'I'd like that.'

'Good. I'll make you an omelette. I got some chorizo last time I was at home visiting my parents. Some of Nev's peppers are ready. Just give me a minute.'

Carlos walked out into the public section of the greenhouse, leaving Harry alone in Neville's house. He buried his face in his hands, wondering why Carlos was being so nice to him. What if his jealousy was the kind that drove him to poison Neville's lovers? Or cast love spells on them to level the playing field? Harry tried to remember what jasmine was used for magically, if it was only good as a divination aid, or if it was more than that? Or, if it was good for divination, was this ball of nervous energy just paranoia, or was he glimpsing the future?


End file.
